Courage & Surrender - Day 1

For the first time in over 5 years, today I am single. The journey to this day is long and winding, and it stretches beyond what is explainable here. But instead of giving in to the sinking, wallowing feeling of failure and fear...today I am choosing courage and surrender. Courage to face a future I never wanted and surrender to the Savior who has brought me this far. 

I'm going to work my way through Philippians for the next 31 days because I'm seeking encouragement for how to reframe this life I'm living. So here I go, Philippians 1:1-6;

Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Paul always seems to make a big deal of remembering these churches in his prayers. I think the idea of remembering is lost on us because we have so many mechanisms for archiving, communicating and staying "connected." It seems almost impossible to forget people from your life. Old boyfriends pop up as LinkedIn Connections, Facebook memories invite themselves to your timeline and instant replays and internet archives are the norm. And yet Paul assures these people that he not only thinks of them often, but prays for them. He also thanks God for the relationships he has with them at each memory. 

Until I lost my mom to ovarian cancer a year and a half ago, I found myself often forgetting to remember. Taking photos and videos on our phones has upsides too (I listen to old voicemails from my mom often) but the choice to remember someone seems so much more pressing when they're gone or far away. I see this example Paul sets as two fold; 1) Taking the time to know, acknowledge and thank God for the people He has placed in your life right now and 2) Praying for those people often. 

The second part of these verses talks about the work God begins and completes in us. I'm a 3 on the Enneagram, and for those who don't know what that means...I'm an achiever. Completing, accomplishing (and in dark moments...performing) are my jam. I feel full when I accomplish something. It also means I'm a strong leader with big ideas and plans of how to make them happen. So you might be able to imagine how hard it is for me to surrender the work GOD has begun and will complete in me. My relationship with my Savior has been a tender yet painful roller coaster of fighting for control and then surrendering to His. 

So today, on a day that marks a new path and season...this is hard. Trusting that God has started something within me these last hard 4.5 years that He will bring to completion should be enough to keep me trusting. Its also good to be reminded that work being completed still has a ways to go. He'll be bringing about the completion of my salvation work until He returns. 

Thank you God for continuing when I don't feel worthy or interested :)